Shyness facts for kids

Shyness is different from being introverted or having social anxiety.

Shyness is a feeling of being nervous or uncomfortable, especially when you are around other people. It often happens in new situations or with people you don't know well. A shy person might try to avoid these situations.

Even though shyness can be linked to low self-esteem, its main feature is a fear of what others might think of you. This fear of being laughed at, criticized, or rejected can make a shy person pull back. Very strong shyness can sometimes be called social anxiety or social phobia.

Why do people feel shy?
- Genes and family traits
- Early life experiences
Shyness as a personality trait
Shyness compared to other feelings
- Shyness versus introversion
- Shyness versus social anxiety disorder
What are the benefits of shyness?
Different cultural views on shyness
How to help with shyness
See also

Why do people feel shy?

Shyness can start for different reasons. Scientists think that shyness might be partly inherited through your genes. This means it could run in families.

However, the way you grow up can also play a big part. Difficult experiences, like being made fun of, can sometimes lead to shyness. Shyness can also develop after someone has felt very anxious. Sometimes, shyness appears first, and then it causes feelings of anxiety.

Shyness is different from social anxiety. Social anxiety is a stronger, often more serious condition. It involves a deep fear or worry about being judged by others in social settings. This fear can even lead to panic attacks.

Shyness can be a part of someone's personality. It can also show up at certain times as children grow up.

Genes and family traits

Shyness is sometimes seen as something that holds people back. One idea is that children who are naturally more fearful are more likely to become shy.

Some research looks at how shyness might be linked to our biology. For example, a chemical called cortisol in the body might play a role. However, more research is needed to fully understand these links.

A professor named Thalia C. Eley believes that only about 30% of shyness comes from genes. The rest, she says, comes from how a person reacts to their environment.

Early life experiences

Some studies suggest that how much daylight there is during pregnancy might be linked to shyness in children. Children whose mothers had less daylight during the middle of their pregnancy were more likely to be shy.

Also, some research shows a link between low birth weight and shyness. Babies born with lower weights might be more cautious or shy later in life. However, these studies don't mean that one directly causes the other.

Shyness as a personality trait

Shyness is most common in new situations. But in serious cases, it can affect a person even in familiar places or with close friends. Shy people often avoid situations that make them uncomfortable. This can make them stay unfamiliar, which keeps the shyness going.

Shyness can fade over time. For example, a child who is shy with strangers might become more outgoing as they get older. This often happens around the age of 13 or in young adulthood. However, for some, shyness can become a lifelong part of their personality.

People experience shyness in different ways and to different degrees. It can also affect how well students do in school. Studies show that as shyness increases, classroom performance can sometimes go down. This is because shy students might find it harder to speak up or participate.

Shyness can make it hard to know what to say in social situations. It can also cause physical signs of nervousness. These might include blushing, trembling, or sweating. Shy people might find it hard to smile, make eye contact, or start conversations easily.

People who are shy are sometimes seen negatively, especially in cultures that value being outgoing. This is because shy people might seem distant in conversations. Others might mistakenly think they are unfriendly or snobby. Sometimes, people try to "help" a shy person by pushing them to be more social. But this can make the shy person feel even more self-conscious and awkward.

Shyness compared to other feelings

Shyness versus introversion

People often confuse shyness with introversion. However, they are different.

Shyness comes from feeling uncomfortable or afraid in social situations.
Introversion is a personal preference. Introverts choose to avoid too much social contact because they get their energy from being alone. They don't feel uncomfortable or afraid.

Professor Bernardo J. Carducci explains that introverts avoid social situations because they don't enjoy them as much, or they might feel overwhelmed by too much activity. Shy people, however, might *fear* these situations.

Both shyness and introversion can make someone seem withdrawn. But they come from different reasons. Introverts might prefer one-on-one talks or small groups, rather than avoiding people completely.

Different cultures see shyness and introversion differently. In cultures where groups are very important, shyness might be seen as a positive trait. It can show respect and self-control. But in cultures that value individual freedom, shyness might be seen as a weakness.

Shyness versus social anxiety disorder

Very strong shyness can be a sign of a mental health condition called social anxiety disorder. This condition was once thought to be rare, but it's now known to affect many people. Studies show that many shy teenagers and university students might meet the criteria for social anxiety disorder.

Shyness usually means feeling a bit nervous in new social situations. Social anxiety disorder, however, is a strong, unreasonable fear of interacting with people. It's also a fear of situations where you might be watched or judged by others. People with social anxiety disorder worry a lot about embarrassing themselves.

Physical signs of social anxiety disorder can include blushing, shortness of breath, trembling, a fast heart rate, and sweating. These symptoms can sometimes be strong enough to cause a panic attack. Shyness can have some of these symptoms too, but they are usually less intense and don't interfere as much with daily life.

What are the benefits of shyness?

Even though shyness is often seen as a problem, it can have benefits. Shy people often think deeply and are good listeners. They might be more sensitive to other people's feelings. These qualities are important for a balanced society.

In the past, like in the 1950s, shyness was sometimes seen as a good trait, especially for women. This shows that how people view shyness can change over time and across cultures.

Some experts argue that shyness isn't just a problem for the individual. It's also a social state of mind that is shaped by society. They suggest that society should adapt to shy people's needs, rather than always expecting shy people to change.

Different cultural views on shyness

In cultures that value being outgoing and confident, shyness can be seen as a weakness. A shy person might be mistaken for being cold, distant, or arrogant. This can be frustrating for the shy person.

However, in other cultures, shy people might be seen as thoughtful, intelligent, and good listeners. They might also be seen as more likely to think before they speak.

In cultures that focus on individual freedom, shyness is often seen as a problem or a mental health issue. But in cultures where the community is more important, shyness can be seen as a way to show politeness, respect, and thoughtfulness.

Western perceptions

In some Western cultures, being shy can lead to problems. Shy people might be rejected by their friends or seen as socially awkward by adults. However, if social withdrawal is seen as a personal choice rather than shyness, there are fewer negative ideas about it.

Some thinkers, like Charles Darwin, even wondered why shyness exists, as it didn't seem to offer a clear benefit for survival. But it's also recognized that being cautious can be helpful in dangerous situations.

Eastern perceptions

In Eastern cultures, shyness in school children is often seen as a positive trait. Shy children might be well-liked by their friends and seen as capable by their teachers. They might even do well in school and become leaders.

In these cultures, being shy is not usually linked to loneliness or sadness. Instead, it's seen as a sign of politeness, respect, and thoughtfulness.

Examples of shyness in different cultures

In Hispanic cultures, it's common for people to be shy or reserved around authority figures. For example, Hispanic students might feel shy about being praised in front of others. This is because in their culture, praise is often given privately. It can also be seen as rude to stand out too much from peers.

In communities that are more closed, like some farming communities in Kenya or India, people might be less outgoing than in more open communities like the United States. Children in Mayan, Indian, Mexican, and Kenyan cultures might be less expressive in social situations. They might also be less assertive.

In Italian culture, showing emotions during conversations is encouraged. Children are often encouraged to debate and discuss things from a young age. Being shy is often looked down upon, and shy children might feel lonely or think they lack social skills.

How to help with shyness

There are ways to help people who feel very shy, especially if it causes low self-esteem or feelings of sadness.

One important way to help is by developing social skills. Schools and parents can help shy children learn how to interact with others. This can include encouraging teamwork, like in sports, which can help reduce anxiety and build confidence.

Teachers can also help by modeling good social skills. They can ask questions in a gentle way to encourage shy students to speak up. This can help shy students feel more comfortable participating in class and making friends.